THIS PIECE. Thank you so much for sharing this piece of our history. I have a lot of thoughts as there is a lot the author got SPOT on and a lot that was missed but the fact that this amazing transsexual wrote this piece in 1994 is mind blowing. In 1994, I was just reading my sister's book on puberty for girls and wouldn't come to any sort of breakthrough about my own gender until 2005. Not to mention that I have now come full circle back around to the term transsexual as a means to indicate the FACT that I am changing my sex assigned at birth and that modern science has made it FULLY POSSIBLE despite the unscientific claims of bigots. Marvelous - thanks again.
I'm a fan of reading the perspectives of others that seem to be other. I attribute my political awakenings to a book I read in 6th grade on Nelson Mandela. I have no clue what's like to live in apartheid South Africa but reading his words and actions has profoundly impacted my sense of empathy.
I was under the impression that the terminology & narratives around being transsexual came from doctors with no personal connection to it, and that therefore transgender terminology/narratives was the reclamation. I did research on this at the Kinsey Institute during my senior year of college, but that was back in 2013. Either my memories have degraded, or I missed a wider swath of the history.
And, not everyone rejects terms just because they didn't emerge from within the movement/community. And the opposite is true. Tranny comes from inside the trans community, but is widely rejected by trans people. Some of us have used tranny for 20+ years.
OMG, so I go back and forth on this term all the time. It's like some dirty little secret inside my heart. My intial egg crack happened on a website called "Tranny Web" which was essentially a chat room with some blog hosting, all for anyone on the trans spectrum. My ally friends kinda gasp at me when I call myself a tranny. So then I feel like well maybe it is offensive. Then Mel 4Ever will use it on stage asking if there are "any trannys in the house" and I'm ready to raise my hand. She's a really bad ass trans woman who gets naked on stage so who am I question that energy.
We were proudly using the term "tranny" and "transie" as affection short hand for transsexuals (NOT TV nor TG types) back in the 70s when I transitioned as a teenager. It pisses me off to see it, like the term "transsexual" itself, falsely called a slur.
I kind of disagree. I am a traditional transsexual, but many of my closest friends are not but still identify as trans. I don't feel comfortable with the way this perspective dismisses them as something totally different. I also don't like the assumption that the "transgender" label will always be degendering.
I read your article with interest, and I definitely understand your feelings.
I consider myself a typical transsexual, but life and the system doesn't always accommodate us the way it should. And I also consider myself transgender, and sorry to say trans femme binary-ish. This identity could be temporary as you explain. Transgender indeed could be a temporary identity as part of transition only. Although for me I think it'll probably stick forever. And I'm okay with that. Still, I'm not crazy about Ellis Island, and I need to move forward here.
But here's where I get a little confused. If you went through the process and had all the surgeries, then you could leave it behind and disappear into the CIS normative world adequately enough. And so why do you have to be wrapped up in any identities involving trans or NB people. Why do you have to hang on to what you've gone through as a lingering identity of sorts, and feel responsible as a curator of it – or something along those lines. I mean do they give you a membership card when you pass as a cisgender woman? Probably not.
I have the same problem with detransitioners. If they are true detransitioners, then why do they need to hang on to the transitioning and transgender world. Apparently some believe they could sit in our trans groups. But I would chase them out right away. I don't want them around. Doesn't mean I don't empathize and support them, and I do want the subject studied. But why can't they let it go and move on, and realize it was only a chapter of their life? Of course the detransitioner could live as non-binary or some identity that is not part of the normative framework. True regret and full detransition is not always the case (although you'd hardly know that with all the stories out there, showcasing transitioning as the worst thing ever).
I would have loved to transition fully with the medical system earlier in life, and just lived as a woman and been married to my husband (or if some insist, an undetected transsexual or transgender woman. I'm possibly fine with a classification outside "woman". As long as it can be seen as legitimate and respectful and I get to live my life. And I believe transgender woman works here. It covers it.).
Like yourself, my transitioning is not part of a fad or political statement or even worrying about an identity per se. The need to transition was in fact life threatening and that has not completely gone away. Lethal suicide attempts were a part of my past (and I have more to say on that, because I'm tired of suicide being downplayed and trans people being told to shut up about it. Ever been to the emergency room and got your stomach pumped from pills, alcohol, muscle relaxants, etc. while unconscious? If the answer is no then STFU.). And yes, transitioning on hormones for nearly 3 years now has reduced any suicidal ideation or those plans based on being trans. I haven't been inpatient for a year now. And years back that wasn't the case at all. And yes I'm bipolar, so it's complicated. But being transgender was always underneath a lot of it and it is hard to sort out everything. Still I'm not transitioned enough, and it bothers me.
I understand why a genderqueer person or the drag queen would bother a person like yourself and to some extent it bothers me also. It has a way of watering down the process of the transsexual who is engaged with the medical system and seeks not just social transition but a full social and medical transition (or close enough to it depending on the situation). But I also don't like the idea of denying other identities. I'm okay if somebody wants to be non-binary, Genderqueer, and whatever other identities are acceptable and valid. There are some people that don't want gender at all. I met one person once at a trans group, and they worked at the facility. And they had no gender. I honestly did not understand or could tell whether they originally were born as male or female. And I apologized, because I thought I misgendered them. But they told me not to worry because they said I can't misgender them. Because they were every gender and no gender simultaneously. And we kind of laughed about it, but it was true. But the point is I don't want to stop somebody like that. It's not my business. They're okay with themselves and who am I to judge? The conservatives are already after us, and it's open season on trans people like never before. So what you lay out here is valid and I understand, but it also comes off as elitist in these times and I don't know if it doesn't anybody any good. It's a valid point but kind of a moot point with everything. And yeah maybe the landscape has become too confusing -- and our opponents and the anti-trans people certainly take advantage of that. It's no longer neat and tidy if it ever was. And you suggest it was. But that highly gate-kept past doesn't appeal to me either. The real life test? That's garbage. How are you supposed to live as a woman without any medical help or hormones or anything? You're supposed to do it backwards according to those past clinicians, and jump through hoops and then they get to decide whether you could transition or not? That is a system that is rigged. And degrading.
So how do we go about it? Yeah, I agree there need to be rules and guidelines and I don't have all the answers. I spend time trying to sort it out though. It would be nice if there was somebody actually in charge, besides the anti-transgender people. I guess the standards are left to psychiatry, the APA, and WPATH. But those groups are under attack and the ones with power in Washington and the ones trying to change the laws don't give a hoot about any of that. My visit summary say ICD-10- F64. And these days that code is all inclusive, and covers gender dysphoria, transsexual indication, and incongruence. But I've been diagnosed with separate codes as well. And I think we care about the nuance, but even the ones in the system and certainly outside of it don't. There's more I can say. But I think you're taking it to the extremes. Again, I do understand exactly where you're coming from, so I'm not stopping you. But I also don't see a person like you as being wronged as much as you probably think you are. If you fully transitioned, then you are free and mission accomplished right?
You know there's that famous test or example of pushing a button and changing your gender. Every trans person knows what I'm talking about. But the last time I saw the button game mentioned on the internet, I actually hesitated. I asked myself why I hesitated? Is this what I really would want? To be a cisgender woman instantly if I could do that? And I don't know. But something gave me a pause. Or hesitancy. At one time I would have slammed that button so hard I would have broken the plastic. But now I don't know. It's like I don't care. I mean yes, I need to transition further because it's just for my own congruence and reduction of dysphoria, but that has to do with my body and parts and just internal as much as external. Sure social appearances and identity matter, but that is not the sole driving force behind my transitioning. And that's what the critics don't understand. They think it's all just for show. But I put my private parts between my legs as a child in front of the mirror, and was preoccupied with the genitals I was given. And later in life I wanted to cut them off and bleed to death frankly (I know too much information). Not sexually or anything – just bothered by the cards I was dealt. And so I know that it's a body thing and it's a core existential self thing going on. And it's not all about lipstick and pretty dresses (which I like, along with jewelry. Lots of it). And it's certainly not about AGP, which I got done reading about a little more just this evening. That makes my blood boil, because it just is such a prevalent but incorrect and harmful characterization of transgender women these days. That we are just fetishized and jerking off in silk panties whenever we get the chance. And that's all there is to being transgender. It really bothers me. And God forbid we should be sexual or have fantasies or off-script behaviors with partners. Of course everybody else can do what they want. But when you're a trans woman you're under the microscope and you're a freak just for showing up.
Oh well too much to say.
These days I think we're all tired. Get some rest and maybe you'll be okay.
THIS PIECE. Thank you so much for sharing this piece of our history. I have a lot of thoughts as there is a lot the author got SPOT on and a lot that was missed but the fact that this amazing transsexual wrote this piece in 1994 is mind blowing. In 1994, I was just reading my sister's book on puberty for girls and wouldn't come to any sort of breakthrough about my own gender until 2005. Not to mention that I have now come full circle back around to the term transsexual as a means to indicate the FACT that I am changing my sex assigned at birth and that modern science has made it FULLY POSSIBLE despite the unscientific claims of bigots. Marvelous - thanks again.
He's also writing from the FTM perspective, which might not transfer to MTFs so easily. Our lives are so very different.
I'm a fan of reading the perspectives of others that seem to be other. I attribute my political awakenings to a book I read in 6th grade on Nelson Mandela. I have no clue what's like to live in apartheid South Africa but reading his words and actions has profoundly impacted my sense of empathy.
I was under the impression that the terminology & narratives around being transsexual came from doctors with no personal connection to it, and that therefore transgender terminology/narratives was the reclamation. I did research on this at the Kinsey Institute during my senior year of college, but that was back in 2013. Either my memories have degraded, or I missed a wider swath of the history.
And, not everyone rejects terms just because they didn't emerge from within the movement/community. And the opposite is true. Tranny comes from inside the trans community, but is widely rejected by trans people. Some of us have used tranny for 20+ years.
OMG, so I go back and forth on this term all the time. It's like some dirty little secret inside my heart. My intial egg crack happened on a website called "Tranny Web" which was essentially a chat room with some blog hosting, all for anyone on the trans spectrum. My ally friends kinda gasp at me when I call myself a tranny. So then I feel like well maybe it is offensive. Then Mel 4Ever will use it on stage asking if there are "any trannys in the house" and I'm ready to raise my hand. She's a really bad ass trans woman who gets naked on stage so who am I question that energy.
So true. I was coming from too black-and-white of an angle earlier.
We were proudly using the term "tranny" and "transie" as affection short hand for transsexuals (NOT TV nor TG types) back in the 70s when I transitioned as a teenager. It pisses me off to see it, like the term "transsexual" itself, falsely called a slur.
In 1998, trans man pioneer Max Wolf Valerio (author of The Testosterone Files) wrote and published the essay "Why I'm Not Transgender" - https://maxwolfvalerio.substack.com/p/why-im-not-transgender
That essay was republished in my book Manning Up: Transsexual Men on Finding Brotherhood, Family, and Themselves (2014 Transgress Press).
I kind of disagree. I am a traditional transsexual, but many of my closest friends are not but still identify as trans. I don't feel comfortable with the way this perspective dismisses them as something totally different. I also don't like the assumption that the "transgender" label will always be degendering.
I read your article with interest, and I definitely understand your feelings.
I consider myself a typical transsexual, but life and the system doesn't always accommodate us the way it should. And I also consider myself transgender, and sorry to say trans femme binary-ish. This identity could be temporary as you explain. Transgender indeed could be a temporary identity as part of transition only. Although for me I think it'll probably stick forever. And I'm okay with that. Still, I'm not crazy about Ellis Island, and I need to move forward here.
But here's where I get a little confused. If you went through the process and had all the surgeries, then you could leave it behind and disappear into the CIS normative world adequately enough. And so why do you have to be wrapped up in any identities involving trans or NB people. Why do you have to hang on to what you've gone through as a lingering identity of sorts, and feel responsible as a curator of it – or something along those lines. I mean do they give you a membership card when you pass as a cisgender woman? Probably not.
I have the same problem with detransitioners. If they are true detransitioners, then why do they need to hang on to the transitioning and transgender world. Apparently some believe they could sit in our trans groups. But I would chase them out right away. I don't want them around. Doesn't mean I don't empathize and support them, and I do want the subject studied. But why can't they let it go and move on, and realize it was only a chapter of their life? Of course the detransitioner could live as non-binary or some identity that is not part of the normative framework. True regret and full detransition is not always the case (although you'd hardly know that with all the stories out there, showcasing transitioning as the worst thing ever).
I would have loved to transition fully with the medical system earlier in life, and just lived as a woman and been married to my husband (or if some insist, an undetected transsexual or transgender woman. I'm possibly fine with a classification outside "woman". As long as it can be seen as legitimate and respectful and I get to live my life. And I believe transgender woman works here. It covers it.).
Like yourself, my transitioning is not part of a fad or political statement or even worrying about an identity per se. The need to transition was in fact life threatening and that has not completely gone away. Lethal suicide attempts were a part of my past (and I have more to say on that, because I'm tired of suicide being downplayed and trans people being told to shut up about it. Ever been to the emergency room and got your stomach pumped from pills, alcohol, muscle relaxants, etc. while unconscious? If the answer is no then STFU.). And yes, transitioning on hormones for nearly 3 years now has reduced any suicidal ideation or those plans based on being trans. I haven't been inpatient for a year now. And years back that wasn't the case at all. And yes I'm bipolar, so it's complicated. But being transgender was always underneath a lot of it and it is hard to sort out everything. Still I'm not transitioned enough, and it bothers me.
I understand why a genderqueer person or the drag queen would bother a person like yourself and to some extent it bothers me also. It has a way of watering down the process of the transsexual who is engaged with the medical system and seeks not just social transition but a full social and medical transition (or close enough to it depending on the situation). But I also don't like the idea of denying other identities. I'm okay if somebody wants to be non-binary, Genderqueer, and whatever other identities are acceptable and valid. There are some people that don't want gender at all. I met one person once at a trans group, and they worked at the facility. And they had no gender. I honestly did not understand or could tell whether they originally were born as male or female. And I apologized, because I thought I misgendered them. But they told me not to worry because they said I can't misgender them. Because they were every gender and no gender simultaneously. And we kind of laughed about it, but it was true. But the point is I don't want to stop somebody like that. It's not my business. They're okay with themselves and who am I to judge? The conservatives are already after us, and it's open season on trans people like never before. So what you lay out here is valid and I understand, but it also comes off as elitist in these times and I don't know if it doesn't anybody any good. It's a valid point but kind of a moot point with everything. And yeah maybe the landscape has become too confusing -- and our opponents and the anti-trans people certainly take advantage of that. It's no longer neat and tidy if it ever was. And you suggest it was. But that highly gate-kept past doesn't appeal to me either. The real life test? That's garbage. How are you supposed to live as a woman without any medical help or hormones or anything? You're supposed to do it backwards according to those past clinicians, and jump through hoops and then they get to decide whether you could transition or not? That is a system that is rigged. And degrading.
So how do we go about it? Yeah, I agree there need to be rules and guidelines and I don't have all the answers. I spend time trying to sort it out though. It would be nice if there was somebody actually in charge, besides the anti-transgender people. I guess the standards are left to psychiatry, the APA, and WPATH. But those groups are under attack and the ones with power in Washington and the ones trying to change the laws don't give a hoot about any of that. My visit summary say ICD-10- F64. And these days that code is all inclusive, and covers gender dysphoria, transsexual indication, and incongruence. But I've been diagnosed with separate codes as well. And I think we care about the nuance, but even the ones in the system and certainly outside of it don't. There's more I can say. But I think you're taking it to the extremes. Again, I do understand exactly where you're coming from, so I'm not stopping you. But I also don't see a person like you as being wronged as much as you probably think you are. If you fully transitioned, then you are free and mission accomplished right?
You know there's that famous test or example of pushing a button and changing your gender. Every trans person knows what I'm talking about. But the last time I saw the button game mentioned on the internet, I actually hesitated. I asked myself why I hesitated? Is this what I really would want? To be a cisgender woman instantly if I could do that? And I don't know. But something gave me a pause. Or hesitancy. At one time I would have slammed that button so hard I would have broken the plastic. But now I don't know. It's like I don't care. I mean yes, I need to transition further because it's just for my own congruence and reduction of dysphoria, but that has to do with my body and parts and just internal as much as external. Sure social appearances and identity matter, but that is not the sole driving force behind my transitioning. And that's what the critics don't understand. They think it's all just for show. But I put my private parts between my legs as a child in front of the mirror, and was preoccupied with the genitals I was given. And later in life I wanted to cut them off and bleed to death frankly (I know too much information). Not sexually or anything – just bothered by the cards I was dealt. And so I know that it's a body thing and it's a core existential self thing going on. And it's not all about lipstick and pretty dresses (which I like, along with jewelry. Lots of it). And it's certainly not about AGP, which I got done reading about a little more just this evening. That makes my blood boil, because it just is such a prevalent but incorrect and harmful characterization of transgender women these days. That we are just fetishized and jerking off in silk panties whenever we get the chance. And that's all there is to being transgender. It really bothers me. And God forbid we should be sexual or have fantasies or off-script behaviors with partners. Of course everybody else can do what they want. But when you're a trans woman you're under the microscope and you're a freak just for showing up.
Oh well too much to say.
These days I think we're all tired. Get some rest and maybe you'll be okay.
excellent read!
Amazing read 👏