Transsexualism vs. Transgenderism: A Personal Reflection
The physiological battle that goes beyond societal gender norms
The current discourse surrounding "transgender" reveals a profound misunderstanding of those with transsexualism, reminiscent of alarming confusion I've seen among many clinicians.
These misconceptions frequently present themselves in claims that individuals like me are attempting to posture as the 'model transsexual' or that we label ourselves as mentally ill or delusional. This mischaracterisation couldn't be further from the truth.
In Pursuit of Alignment
At its core, transsexualism, as I understand and experience it, is a medical condition that causes a person to reject their natal sex and feel a profound alignment with the opposite sex. This alignment permeates every facet of life: physically, psychologically, behaviourally, sexually, and even in terms of loyalty. I find it intriguing that, personally speaking, despite my clear alliance with the female sex, 'trans' feels like an Ellis Island, a temporary refuge that no one maintains loyalty to or settles upon itself.
Physiological, Not Just Psychological
While many consider this phenomenon to be primarily psychological, I find 'physiological' to be a more accurate descriptor of my experience. Since my early years, I've felt an innate alignment with the female sex, a sentiment so powerful that it led me to challenge my sex characteristics even before I was introduced to terms like 'trans' or 'gender dysphoria.' My initial attempts to understand my feelings were through these terms and shaped by the prevalent narratives. However, it was only when I delved deeper into the clinical and historical underpinnings of transsexualism as a unique condition, contrasting it with the DSM-5-TR understanding of gender dysphoria and neurobiological insights on the topic, that I found self-understanding and made sense of what didn't fit.
I don't present this understanding as the ultimate truth; I view opinions as exchangeable, not as anchors. However, it is the only framework that coherently explains my experiences, and the only narrative that resonates with my life's story.
A Neurobiological Drive
It's challenging to convey to clinicians, or anyone for that matter, that my battle is purely internal, with my own body. Most assume it's intertwined with societal gender norms in some capacity, but it's not. The narrative of my life makes sense only when seen as a neurobiological compulsion, driving me on a relentless quest for answers. This quest took me across countries and continents, with the looming threat of time, trying to determine what was amiss and how I could reconcile with my existence. Growing up, my attempts to mature into a woman, despite being a boy, almost led me into child trafficking. My innate transsexualism was forcefully suppressed, and I was placed in a structure that encouraged me to bury it deeper and deeper, until I abruptly aged out of that structure at 18. I made Eagle Scout as a shell of a person, hollowed out from internal anguish.
Leaving home at 18 felt like dodging barriers on a freeway, in a car without brakes; it's sustainable only for so long. When you're in an uncontrollable car, you try to to find both a means to halt it and also prepare for an impending collision. When the crash came, I found myself starting estrogen in the middle of my MA dissertation, jobless, in a foreign country, with my visa set to expire in half a year, and without any guaranteed support. It's akin to leaping off a cliff to escape a roaring blaze behind you. Few seem to understand that this isn't rooted in a psychological delusion but is, instead, a reflection of an unwavering neurobiological drive for alignment.
Not a Victim, Just a Transsexual
Contrary to what my detractors think, I don't hate myself and I'm not trying to play some sort of intersectionality oppression olympics. I don't feel ashamed of my 'identity' or for having transsexualism. I've learned the hard way to cherish and advocate for myself. This is simply the unvarnished, raw truth of my experience.
Transsexualism feels akin to collapsing and feeling thankful for a helping hand, while transgenderism equates to demanding people to carry you in a rickshaw, insisting on titles of reverence.
Whereas transsexualism for me is a deeply personal battle, transgenderism, from my observations, revolves around control and societal demands. If we were to draw parallels, transsexualism feels akin to collapsing and feeling thankful for a helping hand, while transgenderism equates to demanding people to carry you in a rickshaw, insisting on titles of reverence. This article, this website, my advocacy — it isn't about shame or self-loathing; it's about empathy and understanding. Reflecting on past versions of myself, I yearn to help them, using the most compassionate and evidence-based approach, be that through sex-reassignment or potential future treatments addressing the root cause of transsexualism.
Medical Solutions for Medical Problems
I often liken my perspective to how I imagine someone with polio or paraplegia might feel. If we had the means to cure it and/or prevent future instances, wouldn't we advocate for it? My stance stems not from any shame associated with being transsexual but from a deep understanding of the anguish my younger self felt and a genuine desire to prevent and alleviate it as best possible. Given a medical condition, wouldn't anyone want the most effective treatments for their future selves? For those like me, it's not about adhering to an external social identity, or fitting into a predefined gender box, but about addressing the core condition underlying our experience. Just as someone with polio would hope for the best medical interventions, we too seek the best possible solutions for our unique challenges. The ultimate goal is to alleviate the pain and seek a fulfilling life as best we can.
Trans Joy?
The gender euphoria narrative championed by the 'transgender' movement completely misses the mark for those of us with transsexualism. Our battles, struggles, and very essence are rooted in a profound, unyielding need for alignment, far removed from societal gender constructs or euphoric proclamations.
The 'trans umbrella' may be multi-faceted and vast, but the erasure of the transsexual narrative within it is glaring and detrimental. The onus is on society, clinicians, and the 'trans community', to not just listen but to truly understand. For the sake of every individual like me, and for the generations to come, transsexuals deserve to have their voices heard in their pure, unadulterated form, our realities acknowledged and addressed with the specificity they deserve.
#StopTranssexualErasure
Tired Transsexual is the pen name of a male-to-female transsexual who lives in the U.K. Her Twitter account is @tiredtransmed